Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
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