WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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