Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
