So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
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He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
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Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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