This is not my ceiling
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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