I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
