just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
40s are totally the cure
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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