Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
