Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
