he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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