That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
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Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
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Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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