Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
