Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
