I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
