in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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