I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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