I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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