Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
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