I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
