I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
