My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
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