Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Randomize
