she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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