Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
