What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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