i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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