no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
