i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
