I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
