My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
