We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
