he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
