Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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