duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
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You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
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Brb crying the tears of my youth
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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