last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
