I will die if light touches me.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
