I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
