If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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