I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
i now understand why vodka
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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