apparently the secret to your success is patron
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize