talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
it's great music for shaving your balls
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
