I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
