At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
