just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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