Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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