Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
