haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
