I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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