Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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