VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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