I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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