Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
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She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
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Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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