So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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