My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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