Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
