i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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