Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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