For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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