You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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