My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Randomize
