dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
be right there i have to get my cape
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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