I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
