god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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