I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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