I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
