it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
