just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
