Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
