$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
